just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
