these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It's never too late to be topless.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize