I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
