I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize