why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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