1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
