i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
