I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
