I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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