i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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