Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
