How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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