my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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