9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
