My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
