I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
