I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
