Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize