i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
