the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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