Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
