Joe is yelling at the trees again.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
