At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
