That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
