i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize