im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
