I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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