The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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