That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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