I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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