Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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