Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
