I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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