if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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