You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
is it fun? or sober?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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