and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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