this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
As shirtless as possible
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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