ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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