But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
