Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I met the friendliest cop last night
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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