I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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