well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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