operation harelip BJ is a go
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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