last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
