Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize