They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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