oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
