I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
