he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
