No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
