So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
