My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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