i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Randomize
