How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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