good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
