just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
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