my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
