how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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