Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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