Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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