I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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