Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
What changed your mind?
Being sober
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
