I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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