um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
