I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
