There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
